Grendel and the Drunk
by Porter Bailey
Summary: Grendel encounters one of Hrothgar's soldiers, and tries his best to befriend him. (This is a "Grendel" fanfiction, but the category was not available.)


My claws parted the trees, giving my sight some room. It was the third time that day I had brought myself, boredom-ridden, to the well filled mead hall. The edifice in which Hrothgar's people seasoned their blood with fermented honey. From dusk 'till dawn they remained in their safe little hall, drinking until their vision blurred. Even the great monument itself slouched backwards, as though its walls were saturated with mead.

"Vile!" I spat. Not to mention that the mead made their blood taste peculiar. Too sweet for my salty palate.

I wanted to stay a safe distance from their uproar, but my accursed inquisitiveness got a grip on the reins. Before I knew what I was doing, I was peering through the cracks of the mead hall walls. Inside, humans danced around, sloshing mead every which way. Some were even so intoxicated that they were disrobing, much to my repulsion, and proceeded to fornicate in the very middle of the throng.

"Inebriated fools," I said, though I could not look away.

My studying was interrupted by an overpowering odor of testosterone and alcohol, and I turned to see one of Hrothgar's "esteemed" watchmen leering at me from a foot away. He swayed on his feet and looked on the verge of vomiting. After a moment of what appeared to be contemplation, he charged at

me, burying his battle axe into my hide. I sighed and plucked it from my fur as though it was a bit of dried food.

"Oh dear," he slurred in dulled shock, not knowing what to do next.

I knew what was coming next. He would scream, drunken citizens would come to his aid, and I would fall prey to a barrage of blunt objects.

_Magnificent,_ I thought, grimacing at the wide-eyed, now shrieking soldier.

I grabbed hold of his left arm and dragged him away like a parent with a griping child. However my grip may have been too potent, as I heard a sound like a twig breaking. His arm, no doubt. He only screamed louder with a shattered limb. so I threw him over my shoulder like a burlap sack, and galloped into the brush.

Once far enough away from the hall, I set him down, leaning him on a nearby tree. He seemed to have forgotten about his snapped bone, or the fact that he'd just been abducted. He stared at me with a drunken smile. I cringed in disgust; he was filthy and incredibly intoxicated.

"You're a bit largish…hairy."

His first words since his kidnapping. He looked me up and down with swimming eyes. Suddenly they fixated at the top of my head.

"Horns. Sharp looking," he said, smiling a lazy smile.

_Good Lord! This man is a soldier?! _

"What do they call you, drunken one?" (The least I could do was try to converse with the fellow.)

"The beast talks? God in heaven!"

The man fell back against the trunk in surprise, crying out upon hitting his arm. I could not hold back a small chortle at his folly.

"Answer me," I snarled, trying to frighten him a bit, but not being able to hide my amusement.

"A-Almund, oh fearsome…beast," said Almund, cowering again.

_Oh fearsome beast, 'eh? Not a bad title. _

"And you are a soldier, then? Protector of the 'beloved' Hrothgar," I sneered.

"How…did you know?"

_He truly is an incompetent fool._

"Never you mind that! You hath tried to slay me, and so you shall be punished," I said, continuing the intimidating theatricalities.

"Is a wounded limb…not enough?" He was hiccupping now.

"Pleading for mercy, eh? Tears shall not satisfy me!"

"No. But, my arm…it really hurts…" he whimpered, nursing his limb like an animal.

"It will not pain for long. Not after I eat you!"

I truthfully was not looking forward to eating this man. He was a fairly grimy person, and he would indeed have an aftertaste.

_Ooh, now he's crying. Fancy that!_

"Please…monster sir. I didn't mean to harm you…I'm really a nice person," he sobbed.

_A very drunk person._

"What's the point, anyhow. No one...no one listens to me," Almund said, his sniffling subsiding.

"What do I care?"

"I am completely alone…sort of. My wife ignores me, my children. Even my mother and father cast me aside in my youth," he lamented.

I did not know if what he said was true, or if he was trying to earn my pity. Either way, he was still a awfully pathetic worm of a creature. Almund finally vomited, possibly out of dread, but more likely out of mead consumption.

_That will not sit good on the stomach._

He attempted to clean himself off, to no avail, the bile blending in with the rest of his grunge.

"Feeling a bit dismissed are we?" I asked.

"No one ever listens to me…" he continued to moan.

"Oh would you stop your sniveling? Please! It's pathetic!"

_No wonder no one listens to you. No one WANTS to!_

"Sorry…" he said, hiccupping a bit more.

"I will have to eat you eventually. Let's get this over with!"

Just as I was about to put the wretched man into my mouth, I noticed he looked immensely upset. I had never really studied the human's expressions before consumption. I assumed they all had either been frightened or angered at the time of their demise, yet I had never given it much thought. Why should I? They never cared about me.

Yet, apparently I cared for this man, as I felt an emotion I hadn't felt in a long time. Guilt. I collapsed on the ground with a "Harrumph!" He looked at me curiously, ugly amounts of snot cascading down his lip.

"Continue," I sighed, gesturing to him.

This signaled a large outpour of blabbering from Almund about how distressing his existence was, as if I were some form of wisdom-endowed guide. From the tales he spun, he didn't seem to be the most intelligent man in the village. He had fallen down a well, scared away animals during a hunt, and had broken enough bones to kill anyone. All in all, he seemed more suited for the role of local fool than being a guard of anything. Let alone Hrothgar.

_That's very dismal and whatnot. Everyone hates him. Yada-yada-yada. Is he ever going to shut that maw of his? _

Still, it was nice having someone to talk to. Or more like listen to.

"I suppose you're going to have to eat me now," Almund said, having had his last will and testament.

_Well, now he's just begging for it! Hurry up you fool! Before anyone finds you!_

"M-Monster?" Almund mumbled.

I stared at him deeply. Killing him would be doing him a favor. And everyone else, for that matter. It wasn't as though I could simply take him back to the cave. Mother would have a fit.

My newfound companion had to go.

"My my, er, Almund, have you seen that amazing full moon?"

"The wha-?"

He didn't exactly finish his sentence. I had snapped his neck by that point. I knew it was the best way to do him off, but as I stared at him lying limp on the forest floor, I pondered what to do with his corpse.

_Two bones in one go! Well, at least his miserable life is over. You did a good thing, Grendel old bean! Now finish him off! _

Eating him was the only way. If I didn't, I would have a lot of angered village folk on my back. I carefully picked up Almund's cadaver up by the back of his shirt, grimaced in horror, and shoved his entire, vile tasting body into my mouth. I gagged; I didn't DARE chew.

_Revolting! Be done with him!_

At last I swallowed, shuddering at the horrid flavor. It took every nerve in my body not to vomit. But, something still lingered in the back of my throat. I reached in and pulled out one of Almund;s filthy boots.

_A souvenir, Grendel? _

"Mm…yes," I muttered aloud, smiling a bit.

_Well, now he's gone! Best get back to Mummy, or she'll pace all night!_

I nodded to my thoughts. Gripping the boot close, I wobbled back into the woods.

"Poor Almund. He was rather amusing, but I did what was best."

_Don't even lie to yourself. You'll miss him, you snot. _

"Yes," I agreed. "I will


End file.
